I… May have sort of forgotten you… I’m sorry! I’d like to say it won’t happen again, but I do so hate being wrong later.

turtalia:

styro:

absquatulate:

katedanley:

missbhavens:

thrillist:

Quick - Look to your left right now! What are you fighting with?

US? We’re going into battle with a jumbo sized tin of almonds and an iphone.

Embarrassingly, it’s a bottle of Wen. Maybe I can condition the zombies to (re)death?

It’s gonna just be me and a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos.  I have a feeling I’m not going to be making it…

A blanket. I can cuddle them back to the grave.

Kleenex, an xbox controller and a one-eyed dog.  I’m super-duper fuxxored.

glass of wine, tin of hairbands, an iphone.  It’s fine, I don’t need to survive it. 

Ooo… I’m in like Flynn! I have an eight foot schedule 40 pipe with a rigid cheeseborough on the end. Suck on my pipe, zombies!

Dir: ok, move it to the upstage posish
SBO: did she just say “posish?”
LBO: yes. Yes, that is a thing that just happened.
SBO: ok. Just checking.

Auto correct thought I meant ‘thongs.’ I promise, I didn’t.

turtalia:

It is international call your father and tell him that you love him day, so go do that. 

This. I’m going to do so now…

americandrink:

Everyday Carry

(via turtalia)

My friend posted this on the Facebook and I attempted to read it on my phone while standing in the house prior to house opening. I ended up no longer seeing any meaning in the word “buffalo” and crying with laughter.

Today’s best text came from my friend Ben. (It’s only 1:40, so there’s still time for you to think of something better, but I don’t think you can…)

Can he use his keys to my apartment to put food in my fridge?

Unless the food is rotten, I can’t see any downside to that.

M: We both agree on Thor, but I think we both prefer the 34th Street AMC. First world problems.

S: Ah, first world problems… Whatever shall we do?!

M: Complain about them in real-time using our handheld near-super computers?

S: Tempting… Perhaps I’ll simply tweet about it and cross post to Tumblr.